Losing control.

At times I worry a lot, then I read some where that ” Worry is like paying a debt you don’t owe”.

Responding instead of reacting is a conscious process.

Lockdown any where in the world is a hard fact to accept . Accept we must as thats the only way we can at least stay safe and keep our loved ones safe too.

I was so worried to leave my daughter for 10 days at my in-law ‘s place. The thoughts of her not sleeping, eating ,falling and a million other things constantly plagued me.

Once I boarded the flight , it struck me that , I didn’t have any control, anymore.  I realised , thats what worried me the most.

I didn’t have any control and it scared me.

Soo, I decided to focus on the Now.

On what I could control Now. I could focus on what I could think next and do next.

This was a challenge.

I realise now, children are more resilient than us adults. I am learning from my daughter. Every day , she calls me and asks if the cops are allowing me to meet her and I patiently explain the lockdown rules.

I see how dejected she feels. She recoups in a min and starts with another topic.  I wish we had that short a memory span (wishful thinking).

The need to control, the urge to know the end result, are all part of anxiety. I know this now.

Hence I decided , to go with the flow. Take it one day at a time.








Its trying times, world over. Its just not my problem , its a world problem.


So what can we do??

Initially I was very very upset as I was stuck in Bangalore and my daughter is with my in-law’s in Tamilnadu. I was bitter and was regretting our Bali trip big time as , it was the reason we were stuck without our daughter.

This went on for few days , with a lot of cribbing and nagging , especially as I had cook and wash and clean.

By end of Week 1 of Lockdown, I no choice , but to accept.

Thank God!!!

I had that much of sense , not to fight the situation, rather to accept and deal with it in a better way.  By that , I mean, Look at in a optimistic way.

We landed in Bangalore 40 days ago and been in Lockdown mode ever since( initially we did a 14 day quarantine and india’s official lockdown started on 24th March).

Taking it One day at a time and letting go also . Video calling has kept communication up.

The World will be different once all this ends.

Praying for the unfortunate people and being grateful for the ones who have been fortunate.



My Maiden Triathlon!!

So they say, ” There is a time and place for everything!!”

2014 is the year I planned to do my first Triathlon. Life had other plans. First a MC and then a rainbow baby in 2016.

This year , I geared up for the Tri Thonnur sprint distance with full might since June of 2019. Just a month before the race tentative dates , they posted saying the event is cancelled for the year due to some logistics issues.

I was devastated. I had really trained hard for the event. I had to find another event soon.

And Voila!!! Hyderabad Triathlon- Nov 2019!!!As  I had time on my hands, I decided to do the Olympic Distance. ( 1.5kms Swim, 40kms Cycle , 10kms Run)

The logistics of the event took more out of me than the training itself. In the process, I learnt how to fix a puncture to assembling a bicycle by myself. This was such a confidence booster.

I did learn , that in India, transporting a bike by air is far more troublesome and cumbersome than transporting in a bus( surely my next race , Bus transport is going to be my number one option).

Icing on the Cake – I finished third . Podium finish at my first Tri.!!!!!IMG_6842

I will be posting a Race story soon.



Zero spend days Challenge

Embarking on a Zero Spend days challenge.

7 days in a month. 


  • To stay accountable and conscious of money being spent on unnecessary items.
  • To not give into haste decisions and splurge
  • To build more patience
  • To see how much I am able to save at the end of the month


  • I will pre decide which days of the week are zero spend days.
  • I will not carry my wallet on those days , even if I step out for a walk or a class or to drop of my daughter to school
  • Removed all shopping apps and ads from my phone. (lesser distraction)


  • Medicines(Emergency only)
  • Milk
  • Fruits and Veggies

So this is a LATE POST. I have started on this journey since MAY 1st 2019. I will post an update at the end of the month.

Have any of you done this kind of challenge? Do you have any inputs or ideas? How successful was it?

Please do share your thoughts.



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What if…..?

In 2015, in the month of January , mumbai hosts one of india s favourite marathon, the TATA MUMBAI MARATHON(earlier it was STANDARD CHARTERED MUMBAI MARATHON). I had registered for a full marathon , but suffered an injury (fractured metatarsal)on the second weekend of training.

After 45 days of cast and physiotherapy , I was back on the course , training for half . I did not change the registration as half marathon bibs were sold out. The plan was to , start with the Full marathoners and stop after 21.1kms.

During one of my long runs, I got this weird idea, WHAT IF???

WHAT IF , I just run the FULL MARATHON in jan , though I was only training for a half. I did not voice it to anyone. Deep down , I was confident I could run the course and but I was scared ,if I told anyone they would voice their fears and that might affect my decision.

So this WHAT IF, thought came to me in late November. I kept up the half marathon training, harbouring the devious plan in my head. I kept running the full marathon course in my head, visualising the various sites I would cross. The beautiful worli sealink and the crowd cheering at the finish line.

Race day came and I knew deep down I was ready . The WHAT IF became I WILL….!!!

The race strategy was simple. At every 10 kms I would tell my legs , to start fresh. I would treat every 10 kms as a race. Erase memory of the past. It actually worked upto to 36km mark , where I happened to bump into my chief coach and I just lost my nerve. The look on his face, is still fresh in my memory. He infact,screamed ..” WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”.

I remember clearly , I replied ” I AM FINE. I WILL RUN.”

Thus began my actual marathon struggle. I was so overwhelmed with various emotions. I was not doing the right thing, especially , as I was part of a running community. I knew I would be blacklisted for not following the rules of the community. I was too confused . One part of me was telling me to stop while the other part pushed me to continue, I had come so far. It would be all over in matter of few kms.

At that time , a good running buddy , who had diligently trained for the full marathon , came along and pulled me along with him. He kept pushing me , not to think and just finish the race.

Both of us finished together. It was awesome . I was numb. I WILL… I DID IT!!!!

The runner’s high subsided, various thoughts started flooding my mind. Especially , the words “YOU DID WRONG” It was crazy idea. I just could not justify my actions and my thoughts .

After a few days, the coaches sat me down for a one on one. The WHAT IF’s and the BUT’s  were spelt out to me clearly and I was warned. FIRST and LAST WARNING!!I knew I was at fault, especially , as my running community would be affected , due to my actions. I took the warning in stride and started training again.

A lot has happened since that first Full marathon. Next week I will be running my Second marathon, attending the full training program. Being as regular as possible. This will be my first marathon , after motherhood.

Breathing in…





Running Mantras!!

Running Mantras are powerful words repeated to self at times of calm as well as distress. At least thats what it means to me. Its that time of life and situation where you have to look inwards. The mantras I generally use are:

Dig deep!!!

One Kilometre at a time.

Just breathe and smile.

Keep moving.

You are made for this.!!! ( this is inspired by my mom)

These are the ones I will be relying on for my marathon, next weekend.





A week to go..

Marathon training is almost done and I am having a bitter sweet feeling. The structure and regime will all go up in the air once the marathon is over.

I like structure,

I like regime,

I like discipline.

The 3 D’s- Dedication, Determination and Discipline are my mantra words. I have done what the training program has asked me to and now its all up to the race day. I am working on visualisations and meditation techniques to push through the wall. The race is happening on home ground. My main advantage . Looking forward to the cheering and my main support team who are all excited for me.

Breathe in and Let go…..





FOCUS is the word which keeps popping up in my mind constantly. So I am attempting to put my goals up here so I will stay accountable.

  • Try something new everyweek
  • Strength Train at least 3 times a week
  • Focus on Food- Portion Control
  • Repot the Chilli plants
  • No social media after 8 pm
  • Read Everyday- 30mins minimum
  • Write/ Draw Everyday- 30 mins minimum

So this is the list.

I have been trying to form some specific habits. Thanks to Shailaja who has inspired me to yell less (parenting rules). I will be attempting to do that too.



A long Hiatus

Yes, I am back to blogging. The long hiatus was because of a Writer’s block and my 2 year old daughter.

Blogging has been on my mind all this while , its just that, I never got the urge to start writing. The blank page kept staring at me. I didn’t know where to start or what to write about. It was in my mind , just that , my fingers would not move.

The update since I last blogged , is that, I have been reading a lot and listening to books too which is very helpful while traveling as I am not one of those who can read in a moving vehicle.

OTTO RADIO is the app , I am using to listen to books and its absolutely amazing. They have a huge collection of books. They specialise in podcasts which are also awesome.

The book, Lilac Girls  by Martha Hall Kelly has left me spellbound.

I am planning on being more regular with my posts.





An evening of Madhukori : Baul Music

A friend of mine organises kutcheri s or concerts in her living room. These events are open to all.

So last Saturday , I went for a Baul Music concert or rather I must say , a Baul experience. The artist Arpita , is a disciple of Parvathi Baul, who is practising the Baul tradition for more than 25 years now.

I have only heard and seen Parvathiji on YouTube. Listening to Arpita, at an intimate setting as a living room was a sublime experience. The tradition of Baul comes from West Bengal and Bangladesh. Baul artists sing, dance and play an instrument, all at once. The tradition is around 1000 years old and is continuously evolving with times. Arpita,as you see is wearing a saffron garment, denoting fire. She played the Ektara (a stinger instrument) and the Duggi(drums), singing dancing and twirling.

Madhukori or sacred begging. So Arpita wants to accompany her guru to japan and hence is raising funds. She is performing at various venues , raising her sacred begging bowl. She shared some insightful stories of people , who have helped in this journey , giving from their share of joys and sorrows, enriching this wonderful experience.